Thought conveyance portal.

I want off this rollercoaster… no wait this is fun… AHHH! I want off… Wheeeee!

Yes folks this truly is what is happening for me!  You may think I am joking, but some days I want to stop this process, even though it is fun and exciting.  I know that I am making decisions even now that will effect the outcome of God’s plan for my life.

Why am I so impatient?  Why do I want so much?  Why can I not learn?  Hello how come I can not relax a little?

I find that if I give myself the day off of school I am thinking about it all the time.  I worry and feel guilty.  Even today I looked at my grades from the first course and they dropped 😦 rats 99.28% ..I am doomed to fail… blah!  I know I felt disappointed but hello it is still a fantastic mark.  …but is it a trend!!!!  Yikes!! lol

I want to have things and be things and do things…  I want to be available to my friends when they call me for one, but I cannot be everywhere and fulfill my course obligations.  But what I really need to remember and cling to is that my friends do not expect that.  I do not let them down when I have to say no, or when I am doing something else. 

Yesterday I was walking and crying with joy at the wonderful friends I have right now.  Then I remembered that I am going to be moving, and they will have to fill their time with other people and our friendship will become more distant.  Again what I need to cling to is that even if we see each other less our love and understanding of each other remains the same.  We will be golden when we see each other next.

TWO WEEKS… about two weeks before I go.  I can hardly believe it!  So many things to do!!  I know when I am moving that I will have to still maintain my course work.  I hope to be able to take a few days to work ahead so that I can prepare my assignments so it will only me commenting and answering questions during that time.  I can tether my Blackberry to make sure I have a secure connection.

My impressions of this next course is that it will prove to be more of a challenge for me, but nothing compared to my life drawing classes!!  I look forward to the challenge… and to becoming an eccentric artist who is loved by just enough to keep her happy and disliked by enough to keep her humble. 

Lord willing I will meet Him in a new and encouraging way this fall and in this next year.  I know God has a plan, and He has shared some chapters with me…though I didn’t listen and tried skipping ahead.  He told me to wait for His timing, but instead I rushed ahead and confused me.  But like I told my one advisor “it’s okay if I am confused, I trust Your experience in this matter.”  God is in control, I never was… though I enjoy pretending at times like a toddler with a plastic wheel…  I am probably drooling all over too lol!   And yes I am giggling too…


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