Thought conveyance portal.

Feelings…. nothing more than feelings….

Funny how one day can make a difference…   One smile one look… one word one thought

One moment I am happy the day looks great,
the next there is sorrow.. but it’s not too late.
One smile brings me joy, one laugh a smile too..
Why in the world do I let things make me blue?
Why let the worry thought take control of me?
I struggle and search as the days draw out
I fight not to scream and I do my best not to pout

One David one moment one laugh and you will see
the joy and the passion that has built up in me
to flow out freely… Oh let it be so!! 
To flood this land and soak into the soul
Oh Lord that you were my passion, my promise, my prize
That I would be holding out for You to be at my side

But alas I want of earthly things that the world says I need
I fight, I barter, I argue and in the end  I plead
Oh Lord send me David to make my life complete
Yet in the silence You answer "it is Me you seek"
Your whisper plays on my senses telling me it is the truth
I still want to barter as if I need more proof!

I want and want and wonder why I’m feeling blue
I wait and wait and ponder why can’t I grasp You
grasp hold of the hope You offer and the truth as it’s standing there

Theresa April 4/09

Ha ha ..now all I need is someone to tell me that is depressing and this masterpiece of a day will be complete!  I would answer "Yes it is…and?"  It’s what I am feeling at this moment…defeated.  I want to live a life of victory, and I know that the hope is there.  But I also want to live in the truth and know what I am feeling and thinking.  I have wonderful friends, way more than I can appreciate at each moment, and good people too from all walks of life.  But I still feel defeated at this moment.   I feel guilty for feeling that way, since so many people try and make me smile because THEY CARE. 

I read once "you can not feel depressed when you are honestly thankful"…  I am not sure I agree.  My feelings do not always match what is rationally real.  My mind acknowledges the truth whilst my feelings still say something else.  Should I lie and smile and not be honest about how  feel.  No.  I want to be real.

Lord bless those who have found and guide those who look around. Amen.

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