Thought conveyance portal.

Blackhole~ a poem

I had a thought I set it free,
Sorry folks nothing to see,
It was silly perhaps even dumb
But habit like sucking your thumb

No questions?  Pray tell me why?
It had better be true.. I ain’t accepting no lie
Twas mindless chatter that spurn me on
Now it is realization that made it gone

No proper grammar do I need here
No lies no falsehoods not even a beer 😛
Tis my Space to fill as I need
to fill with ramblings.. oh yes indeed

In riddles and jibs I hide my thoughts
Reading between the lines might help you lots
Alas nothing to read between these lines I fear,
The truth is out there it huddles near

A black hole I find my soul in today
Stand back if you want to stay away
It’ll suck you in too if you give it a chance
Then it will laugh as it watches you dance

Dance and dangle from it’s twisted finger
So run away fast it grasps at those who linger
It’s talons are sharp, they will cut you straight through
And as I well know, there is nothing you can do.

Theresa Janzen Sept 25/08

I dislike blogging when I am in a dark mood… I can’t say what put me here but I think it is something to do with being home.  I’m 34 years old and fighting with God.  I have no idea why I am here…why alone??  I have friends, wonderful ones but I want love… and not that "just friends" stuff.  I know that makes me a dangerous creature, and perhaps that is why I am single.  I have no clue…  I was good a month ago, I was accepting of my singleness and happy to live life.  What has happened in the span of say 4-8 weeks??  Grrrr  LORD why am I alone?  What am I supposed to learn,or grow to understand?  What purpose is there in this plight I am in? 

I think I’ll be a recluse for a bit, so don’t worry if you don’t hear from me or see me around.  I am sure I will be back sooner or later.  My one friend said I looked so good after my holiday perhaps I should start looking after myself and no worry about other people so much.  Perhaps I should move and find a new path to walk on.  I have been thinking about that, but have no ideas.  I used to think I wanted to live in Calgary, but I don’t think it is the place for me anymore.  I need to live where I am…what ever that intails I have no clue, but like someone said I have hope so I shall be okay. 

We all need hope and friendship, even when we lash out at people.  Sometimes we are hurting and do not even know it till it is too late and we have hurt someone else.  It is hard to say I’m sorry, and even harder to recognize our part in what happened.  For all of those who need hope know that someone has a plan, He loves you, He is calling for you, He implemeted the plan 2000+ years ago and it is the same today whether people believe or not it can not be undone and there is always a light on for you.  You need but to look and see it.  I wish all of His "representatives" were proper mirrors of that light, but somehow we are jaded and we twist it and dim it.  I want to appologize for my part in the hurt that Christians have cause, I am sorry I will try and do better.  This is not my idea, but an idea from "Blue Like Jazz" and it is a good book to read.  He has a point, there is nothign I can do to change the past but to love those in the present and aim to do better in the future.

Man I need a spell checker really really bad


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