Thought conveyance portal.

On A Pale Horse

This is in response to the MountainWings issue titled, "To The
84…No!" which was about suicide.

"To The 84… NO!" >

For many years, I too was caught in that trap.

That trap where you love God, you love life, but some days
things just go wrong; and you don’t seem to care whether you live
or die, or what happens.

I call it the suicide trap.

It’s the worst place in the world to be.  Not caring enough
about yourself or the world around you to live

…caring too much to die.

You’re stuck.

You want to commit suicide, but you know it’s wrong. You
don’t know why it’s wrong, so you chicken out, don’t do it, but
in all actuality, you are saved by the grace of God.

I was in this trap for many years, including childhood.  I am
Christian, I love God, God loves me.  I know suicide is wrong,
I know it’s not the solution.  I know what it leaves behind.
None of that mattered in the past, I still felt suicidal often.
I didn’t know how to beat it, probably because I didn’t
understand it.

This morning, I opted not to go to church.  I opted not to go to
church because I felt God telling me not to.  I know what you’re
thinking, why would God tell someone not to go to church?
It was strange at first, I admit, but it’s what I felt, so I
didn’t go.

Generally first thing in the morning, I check my e-mail, I make
breakfast and I have a soda before I go about my daily routine.
Generally, it will be afternoon, sometimes early evening before
I turn the television on.

This morning, I felt compelled to turn the television on at 7am.
For someone who usually sleeps until 10am, to be awake with the
television on at 7am is something.

I flipped through the channels.  It never ceases to amaze me how
many channels are on cable these days.  It never ceases to amaze
me how many channels there are, yet how little there is to

I flipped through the channels and found that the only things on
at 7am on Sunday morning are church, sports, and infomercials.
I’m not a fan of sports; I could care less about infomercials,
so I chose church.

I looked at the options; normally I would watch Joel Osteen.  I
left the channel there for a minute; he was preaching about
sunshine and love again.

I was in a bad mood.  I didn’t want to hear about love and
sunshine.  I could care less about the birds in the sky.  I
wasn’t in the mood for an "everything is coming up roses" sermon.
I usually watch Joel Osteen.  I like Joel Osteen because he is
positive.  This morning, I wasn’t in the mood for positive.
I turned the channel.

It was an African American preacher.
He was talking about death.
I didn’t know the second preacher.
I hadn’t heard him before.
All I knew was that he was an African American and was talking
about death.

Joel Osteen’s love and life and sunshine sermon was my first
option.  This unknown preacher’s message on death was my second

I choose the second option.

Why would I choose a message about death over a message about
sunshine and love?  I wasn’t sure at the time.  The message was
pretty straightforward.  Death has no right to come into my life
and choose when it’s time for me to go!  Huh?  What the heck was
this guy talking about?

What did he mean death had no right?
Death is just death, what was this guy talking about?

I didn’t know what he was talking about, but he caught my
attention.  I listened further.

There is no death for the righteous!  In that the righteous live
forever in Heaven when they "die" on earth.

Okay I knew that already, where was all this headed?  I still
didn’t know.

1 Corinthians 15:26 "The last enemy to be destroyed is death."
Okay, so death can’t be from God, because if the "last enemy to
be destroyed is death" God would be destroying a piece of
Himself, so that cannot be the case.
Enemy = opposition.
Death can’t be from God, because God can’t oppose Himself.
Death is not just an occurrence.
Death is a person.
Whoa! Stop right there.
Death is death I thought.
What do you mean death is a person, I was totally confused.

Revelation 6:7-8 "When the Lamb opened the fourth seal, I heard
the voice of the fourth living creature say, ’Come!’ I looked
and there before me was a pale horse!  Its rider was named
Death, and Hades was following close behind him."

Then it made sense.
Death was a person.
Hades was a place and also a governing spirit, and could also be
considered a "person."

If Death and Hades were friends, why would I want to be friends
with them?

I didn’t.

I wanted to be friends with God; I didn’t want to be friends
with Death or Hades.  In choosing suicide, I was choosing
friendship with Death and Hades.

In choosing life, I was choosing friendship with God.
The choice was easy.

I knew the choice I would make from that day forward,
in my heart, in my head, and in my mind.

I choose LIFE instead of DEATH.

I am sharing this hoping it helps someone else who’s been stuck
in the suicide trap for many years, as it really helped me.

Choose LIFE not DEATH; you’ll be glad you did, and God will be
glad you did!

~A MountainWings Original by Sarah, San Diego, CA~
in response to the issue,
"To The 84… NO!"

Send issue 6331 to a friend click
or simply click FORWARD on your email program


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